"...If you come across an unfamiliar word, try breaking it up into its elements, or find a similar word that might reveal what the unfamiliar word could mean..."

Are teachers and students at Christian schools always so cute?

Ten Arguments Against the US Census:

1. Census data has in the past been used to hunt down draft dodgers and intern Japanese civilians
2. The census methodology reinforces the troubling Prison-Industrial Complex 
3. Did you know that the census is tracking your mail as part of the process?  The ACLU has chided the census for failing to disclose this important privacy violation.
4. Incompetent oversight caused census costs to triple this decade, “largely” due to a botched contract with Florida’s Harris Corp.  This ain’t the first time a Harris from Florida cost our country dearly.
5. The G-men assure the data will remain private.  Reminds me of when Google promised that, before Google Buzz distracted them.
6. The Constitution calls for an “Enumeration” of people.  Enumeration is a tally… i.e. 1, 2, 3…300 million.  Race, sex, age, phone #, are all extra-constitutional variables tagging along for the ride.
7. The penalty for disclosing the census’s valuable marketing data is $250K or 5 years in prison.  You know… the same penalty that has successfully prevented home videos from ever being copied.
8. Gov’t propaganda encourages people to fill out the census to get their “fair share” of gov’t funds.  This creates incentive to over-tally, introducing bias and blocking the supposed goal of an accurate enumeration.
9. It's creepy.
10. Other than constitutionality, no good arguments have been provided against statistical sampling, which offers equivalent results for a fraction of the cost.

Move over foursquare... new greatest app time.  And I don't need to do anything to enjoy it except fall asleep.

With a skeptical eye, I downloaded Sleep Cycle, which purports to analyze your body's biorhythms while you sleep and "wake you up when you are in the lightest sleep phase."  This is supposed to make waking up more enjoyable. 

So does it work?  Here's two days of graphs:

Shockingly accurate.  That's exactly how it happened.  I can't attest to whether the alarm wakes you in a more peaceful phase, because I've been awake before the alarm went off both times, and because thugs are never truly at peace.  But last night (right graph), I did in fact only sleep for three hours before waking up to yell at neighborhood fences.  Wahoo!  I may be a touch crazy today, but at least my apps are working.

Screw you too Manhattan.

Congrats to Andrew Cleland for making Schrödinger's cat visible to the naked eye.  They successfully put a visible paddle into a quantum superposition between a rest and moving state.

Of course, it's worth pointing out that they're too late.  This feat was already accomplished by 2008 presidential candidate Mitt Romney, who managed to simultaneously hold two or more conflicting views on the same issue.

Gerrit's recent post implies that the US senate is the only legislative body with hot legislative bodies. To counter that, I hereby present my list of the ten sexiest members of Israel's legislature,  the Knesset:

10. Shmuel "The Magician" Merlin

Has been known to make ladies' undergarments mysteriously disappear

9. Shmuel "No respect" Flatto-Sharon

Rodney Dangerfield's secret love child?

8. Moshe "Mo Money" Sharett

Also known as "that guy with the Hitler moustache that's not Charlie Chaplin;"  appears on the 20 Shekel bill

7. Moshe "Sleep with the Fishes" Sardines

He'll make you an offer you can't refuse, in bed

6. Shoshana "Big Momma" Parsitz

The Knesset's first MILF  (Member I'd Like to Filibuster)

5. Eliezer "Clark Kent" Preminger

Don't let his mild manner fool you, once the glasses come off, everything goes!

4. The Fearsome Four / The Bearded Bandits

All four of these studs did the crime (forgery, conspiracy, theft, embezzlement), and did (or are still doing) some Hard time

3. Anastasia "Octo-mom" Michaeli

Sorry guys, she's taken (and though only 34 years old, already has 8 children)

2. S. Yizhar

Also a celebrated novelist and originator of the Barton Fink haircut

1. Abba Eben

World famous statesman and wit, known for such sayings as: 

"If Algeria introduced a resolution declaring that the earth was flat and that Israel had flattened it, it would pass by a vote of 164 to 13 with 26 abstentions"

 Also served as visual inspiration for the character Keith Olbermann plays on the satirical news show "Countdown with Keith Olbermann."

 

Why do I always get itchy in places I can't reach, like in between my shoulder blades?  This must be some sort of evolutionary fuck up.

 

 

Post your best caption for these fine chaps in the comments.  I'll award a million points to the best one (and not to me).

I was stunned to learn that a popular thing for dames do in the absence of dudes is debate who is the "Sexiest Senator."  The hands-down favorite, according to off-the-record sources, is Scott Brown (R-MA, 2010-?).

Yeah, sure, I guess he's kind of cute... if noses shaped like portly tulip bulbs are your sort of thing. 

Ladies... as always, you should've just asked me first, because I always happen to carry around my definitive list of sexiest senators.

	10. William Pinkney White (D-MD, 1868-69) The four ingredients of sex appeal.  Monacle, moustache, bowtie, and a thinking man's forehead.
	9. Hiram W. Johnson (R-CA, 1917-45) His progressive and isolationist policies are enough to drive most wild.  But for the rest of us, his devil-may-care tendency to take off his fashionable hat and showcase his fine head of hair drops our underoos to our toes.
	8. Allen T. Caperton (D-WV, 1875-76) Ask me again if I'd like to sit a spell and sample of your moonshine, you tall drink of reprentative democracy.
	7. Littleton W. Tazewell (DR-VA, 1824-32) Nothing could bust through Congressional gridlock like those fine, flowing locks.
	6. Lucius Quintus Cincinnatus Lamar II (D-MS, 1877-85) Everyone loves a man in uniform.  Lt. Col. Quintus Cincinnatus Lamar II served proudly in the Confederate army before being serving as Jefferson Davis' diplomatic envoy to Russia, England, and France.
	5. John J. Crittenden (W-KY, 1835-48, KN 55-61) The only man of color portraiture to make the list.  His bad-boy scowl could not be resisted.
	4. Hernando Money (D-MS, 1897-1911) Oh, he's money all right.  Ka-ching.
	3. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY, 2009-?) Finally, some eye candy for the dudes.  Excuse me if I filibust a nut.
	2. Peleg Sprague (AJ-ME, 1829-35) But Peleg, that little parasol shan't protect you from the rain.  Oh, I see... you're just playing coy, aren't you, you sly dog.
	1. Styles Bridges (R-NH, 1937-61) Styles be stylin'

Honorable Mentions:

• Chauncey Goodrich (F-CT, 1807-13) 
• William Upham (W-VT, 1843-53)
• Al Franken (D-MN, 2009-?)
• Ephraim Bateman (A-NJ, 1826-29)
• William C.C. Claiborne (DR-LA, 1817)
• Henry "Hubba Hubba" Hubbard (D-NH, 1835-41)
• Duncan Upshaw Fletcher (D-FL, 1909-36)
• Roscoe Conkling (R-NY, 1867-81)