Audience of Two is creating something amazing. Broadcasting for six years, we've barely scratched the tip of the iceberg. This Thanksgiving, I'd like to say I'm incredibly honored at the chance to work with the greatest creative minds of the next generation. Alphabetically:

• Ben Masten's appreciation of comedy runs deep and broad. I've always known that the moment he commits his genius to anything, he will be an unstoppable force. He's rising quickly in the New York comedy scene, and it won't be long before he's a household name.
• Flav, going into classical music, has the toughest go. But he's got more intelligence and focus than the rest of us combined. His ability to play the piano is unprecedented, and as the old guard musicians retire, he'll find a way to popularize the art form for a younger generation.
• Lux2 is destined to conquer public radio. She possesses the most inventive mind of anybody I've ever met, and her work will ultimately give her the ability to bring shape to the infinite creative ideas that run through her mind.
• Sam Dingman is the struggling New York actor most likely to pull himself up by the bootstraps and succeed. Unlike most wannabe actors, he's talented and a decent human being.
• Sweeney's writing is unparalleled. She can turn a routine event into an action movie. And her mind is even sharper than her wit. She's on her way to the top, and I dare you to stand in her way.
• Winston Smith has the unique ability to thoroughly understand the ins and outs of complex world situations, then to clearly convey this understanding with a sense of humor. Most importantly, he presents people a guide to living your life without compromising your values.

I don't consider myself an artist. I consider my work with Ao2 to be a hobby. However, I'm unbelievably grateful to have the opportunity to associate with these talented creative souls.

Not bad eh?  All the videos Ao2 has produced have gotten incredible ratings over at Funny or Die.  Most of these, we never ask anybody to vote on.  We work hard to produce high-quality videos, and hope that our high-quality work will speak for itself.

And we have very few views.  Sigh.

Businesspundit reports on the dirty tricks that people online use to make their videos go viral.  The unfortunate fact of our world is that good does not triumph over evil.  Principles get steamrolled by sleaze.  We can't expect to simply hope that our quality will help us rise to the top of the sleaze-filled pond we call the internet.  It doesn't work.  If we wanted to get big, we'd get our hands dirty.

But we don't.

This begs the question... why are we so abysmally stupid?  These secrets are out in the open.  Yet instead of playing by the dirty rules of the game, we're probably going to keep focusing on producing quality material.  Will this pay off? 

No.

Call it the futility of hope.

Happy birthday to Benjamittens, 26 years young.  In celebration, here's a picture of his father teaching him to stand up:

When we started 2log, we didn't realize what sort of attention it would get from the movers and shakers of the world.  While my favorite commenters are the regulars, like the jawwwwwwwwwwns, Elfies and Matts of the 2world, I thought it would be interesting to look at some of the high profile folk who have dropped by to offer their 28 cents:

• Austin Powers
• Beastie Boys
• Bill Hader
• Bill Watterson
• Carrot Top
• Cedric T. Entertainer
• Chicago Mayor Richard Daley
• Cindy McCain
• Confucius
• Dean Moriarty
• Duffman
• Equation Monday Chairperson
• Ferdinand "Jelly Roll" Morton
• Frank Zappa (rolling in grave)
• General I. Zing
• Giacomo, Fisherman of Tybee
• Hillary Clinton
• Jodie Foster
• John Cleese
• John Travolta
• Jon Stewart's Left Buttcheek
• Jonas from The Giver
• Keanu R.
• Kerry '04
• Larry Craig
• Malcolm X
• Mama Limbaugh
• Marcel Proust
• Martha and the Vandellas
• Mathman
• Matt Groening
• Merriam Webster
• Metropolitan Museum of Art
• Michael Dukakis, president of Adidas
• Michael Stipe
• Mike Gravel
• Obama
• Orbulak the Cyclops King
• Pappy Picasso
• Park Slope
• Paul Newman
• Paul Wellstone's Ashes
• Porn Star
• Princess Jasmine
• Princess Jasmine (the Real One)
• Q-tip
• Quetzalcoatl
• R2D2
• Richard Dreyfuss
• Ron Paul himself
• Sir Galahad
• Sir Mix a Lot
• Sisyphus
• Someone's Left Buttcheek
• Stevedore von Poopenheimer
• Tagg
• The American People
• The Mayor of Scotland
• The Moody Blues
• The New Yorker
• The REAL Jack Johnson
• The Shadow
• Tom Jones
• Tyrese
• Uncle Sam
• Will Smith
• William Howard Taft
• Writers Guild President

At 12:25am, Gerrit was on his way into a Time Square building to 2log at a 19th floor studio with another blogger.  But in the lobby Gerrit was shot several times including two graze wounds to the head.  Gerrit's lawyers said the attack appeared to be a setup.

Against doctors orders Gerrit checked himself out of the hospital less than 24 hours after being shot 5 times on the way into a Manhattan office.

Gerrit secures one clean legal victory this year as he's dismissed of assault charges brought against him when he allegedly shot at two off-duty Atlantic cops on Halloween last year.  The case was dismissed due to insufficient evidence.

More controvery surrounding Gerrit ...

Meanwhile, in Gerrit nooze, at about 6:45 tonight, Gerrit may have lowered his own chances of surviving the attack, by checking himself out of the hospital, that probably saved his life.

Gerrit checked into the Metropolitan hospital yesterday under an assumed name, his lawyers said that he had connections, but wouldn't say what kind, that could provide top notch security for the injured 2log star.

Gerrit underwent surgery today ...

The shooting of Gerrit here in New York city once again underscores that violence that has surrounded this man since he shot to superstardom in the world of 2logging.

My soul consists disproportionately of

WHOOP DE TIMES!!!!!

  

Hey all.  You may notice comments are threading now.  This means you can reply to other comments and so forth down the tree.

Lemme know if you see any bugs as a result of this.  I'm hoping to expand this into a new feature soon, but it's contingent on the threading being mostly well behaved.

Finally!

Never has a fouler gang of thieves, scoundrels, and masturbators proven so toxic to our nation's moral character.  Never has sin so clogged and befouled the arteries and humours of morality.  In but a few generations, our children's children shall apologize thrice over for the barbaric savagery of our times.  

But lo, daylight breaks.  The bandits and rapscallions of the scourgeful Limewire are finally being brought to justice.  Like a beam of sunlight striking the waste land after a new moon, or a rooster's crow following the storm, a new dawn has begun.  With this horrible injustice corrected, a brighter tomorrow awaits us all.  Our wounds may not heal overnight., but quoth Nobel Peace Prize laureate Barack H. Obama:

"The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice."

As for the smut peddlers who blighted our innocence and sense of humanity, I fear any lenience is overly generous.  They exploited our values, abused our decency, and raped our trust.  Did you realize they peddled software which could have been used to distribute images of our nation's fighting men and women modified in a lewd and pornographic manner.  These scum have betrayed our veterans, our flag, and the very Constitution on which our sense of national pride rests.

I suggest the harshest punishment for all Limewire whom employs, from the CEO on high to the lowly telephone support staff.  Tar them, flay them, castrate them, fillet them.

An artist depiction of a high ranking Limewire insider serving time.

I'm lightly 2logging for the week as I'm on assignment in Hawaii looking for Obama's birth certificate.  Whenever I'm able to deposit a message with the internet postman, I'll be posting some of my favorite classic Ao2 material from way back in the day, along with fun trivia.

Today's entry is Skeleton Fight, the only surviving footage of a terrifying war between skeletons and aliens:

But did you know...

• The typical human skeleton has 206 bones, a number chosen to coincide with the Seattle area code.
• The most famous living skeleton is Arianna Huffington?
• Rock band "Alien Ant Farm" only has one hit, and it's just a cover of Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal.

For several years, Audience of Two existed only as a comedy magazine.  Since we were and are poor, we turned to cut-rate writers who would work for cheap. One breakthrough came when we opted to exploit child labor laws, and recruited gullible 8-year old Tyler to pen his thoughts.  My favorite appears as the impish brat of a special needs student struggles to comprehend punctuation.

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But did you know...

• The word "apostrophe" is a portmanteau of the words "apostolic trophy."  The apostles of Jesus Christ first created the apostrophe as a punctuation mark to resolve ambiguities among their varying testaments of his life.  This plan worked so well they considered the apostrophe to be their finest trophy, and it is sometimes considered the 4th member of the Holy Trinity.
• In 2003, Microsoft Word introduced "smart quotes," which automatically converted straight apostrophes to curly apostrophes, as a front-line effort in their evil plan to conquer the world.