Raise your hand if you've farted on a crowded rush hour subway to get a little extra personal space.

Be honest, people.

Hey fellas,

Ever notice that the floor around your toilet at home is always filthier than a hobo's haircut.

But whenever a toilet is sitting next to a urinal, the floor around the toilet is cleaner than a poolful of Purell.

So here's the plan:

1. ???
2. ???
3. Profit!
4. Install a solid gold urinal in every room of my McMansion, so I'll never have to clean the bathroom floor again.

To celebrate, let's all enjoy a slice of urinal cake.

According to Urban Dictionary, Blart is a portmanteau of blood and fart.  Wikipedia pegs the definition as a fart that tickles your balls.

I'll bet most reviews of Paul Blart: Mall Cop compare the movie unfavorably to a blart.  Pandagon takes a more highbrow approach, describing it as a greater offense than racism.  Ebert kinda liked it.

Achthbbbbbbbbbbt.  I really really really really really want to watch.  Who's with me?

Sam and Ben of Audience of Two have more to fear than just Chris Keary's Audience of Three.  I learned today of a feature-length documentary called Audience of One, about a Pentecostal minister making a sci-fi movie to exalt God.

Why, you might ask, would this be a competitive threat to Sam and Ben's hysterics?  Because the first IMDB review of Ao1 claims "It's like watching yourself go to the toilet"

hat tip to Paul Constant

In case you were waiting on my review of the Chipotle iPhone app, it's TEH GREATEST!

In case you were waiting on my review of the Chipotle burrito on its way in, it was also TEH GREATEST!

In case you're waiting on my review of the Chipotle burrito on its way out... you'll have to wait a few hours. And now for something completely related:

Whilst on a sojourn to Sin City, I had no computer access and was unfortunately unable to 2log.  Don't worry, cause I'm back to class up this gin joint.

Like take this lesson in lifestyle from the rich and fabulous.  Did you know that celebrities poop better than the rest of us reg'lar folk?  Get this.  In their bathrooms, they have a whole separate room for the toilet.

Say you're trying to thumb through your copy of À la recherche du temps perdu or Going Rogue.  And say you have to drop a deuce at the same time.  If you're a normal person, the other folk you live with won't be able to shower for the three to four hours you're holed up, and by the time they get access they'll certainly complain about the unholy stench.

But if you're Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic or veteran comedian Sinbad, you can simply close the door and perch yourself atop your throne in privacy.  And you'll never have to worry about hearing any lip from Mmes. Novoselic or Bad.

Who?	Why?
Oprah Winfrey	A single step closer to her goal of having one of everything
Joe Biden	Spews from his mouth whenever he talks
Barack Obama	Clumps in toilet remind him of the economy.
Britney Spears	"Poops I Did It Again"
Ashton Kutcher	Mistyped TW as SH when surfing to twitter
Tom Hanks	To create a powerful contrast with himself, the prince of all things delightful
Howard Schultz, CEO of Starbucks	Puts it in a cup and charges two bucks
Bernie Madoff	Likes to tell people the toilet's overflowing, when it's actually empty.