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I Just Got Us 10 Times More Readers
Posted by Gerrit at 2012-01-12 11:47:47

Extra Extra! Homeland Security is reading the Drudge Report!

Apparently, the government has hired an elite squadron of wizards, supersleuths and derring-do-gooders to read the following websites.  

Social Networks


  • The Drudge Report
  • The Huffington Post
  • The New York Times's Lede blog
  • Wired's Threat Level
  • Wired's Danger Room
  • ABC News' investigative blog The Blotter
  • "blogs that cover bird flu … news and activity along U.S. borders … drug trafficking and cybercrime"


  • Hulu
  • YouTube
  • Flickr

And now to get 2log on this exclusive watchlist and LITERALLY land us dozens of new readers, I present you a short play.  

Drug Trafficking, Cybercrime, Borders & Bird Flu
A tragedy in one act

Brandywine: Hey pencilneck, do you want to do some drugs?
Billy: Here?  While I'm driving my new Chrysler 200 Touring?  Not in this deathtrap!  Don't you know that one in eight Americans die in a Chrysler?
Brandywine: Don't be such a blattering mancy.  
Billy: OK, you convinced me.  Let me just get my paraphernalia.  I bought it with credit cards I stole from the internet.
Brandywine: You're not special for using the internet, pickleface.  We all "log in" to the informed commentary of Brian Ross on the ABC news blog, "The Blotter"
Billy: Uh oh!  To do this many drugs, we need to go someplace empty.
Brandywine: How about that Borders bookstore that recently closed?

Billy and Brandywine have a drug montage.

Billy: Yummers!  HORK!

Billy caught bird, swine, and Spanish flu from smoking tainted potpourri and died at the age of 11.  Brandywine dropped out of school to become substitute auctioneer in the backroom of a Dairy Queen.  She retired at the age of 98 and died two years earlier.  They are survived by their daughters, Oskarita, Jalapeno, and Broccolisaurus 2.0.


Now that I have your attention, Homeland Security, there seems to be a terrorist risk in chamber 2730.

Permalink | 2 Comments | 24 points

Filed Under: bird flu, US border policy, drug trafficking, cybercrime

The next contest ends in:
2015-04-03 16:00:00 GMT-06:00
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