I know that I am new here, and therefore you don't trust me. I understand- I wouldn't trust me either. You can't see it, but I've got shifty eyes going on right now. So- proceed with caution. That said, I am going to ask you a question, and I want you to be honest. It's not a personal question, so you don't have to be like, "oh, I don't like answering that kind of question on the internet where communist robots are watching my every click." The question is this: What can you get for Eight Real American Dollars these days? Here is a list, verified by Consumer Reports and the man that sells anklets on St. Marks Place:
- Martha Stewart's virginity
- Seven King Sized Clark Bars manufactured in 1991
- A copy of the Bhagavad Gita in Finnish
- The dugout of the Montreal Expos, complete with a golden statue of Dennis Martinez's hands
- 2.5 hours of rides on "Fredo the WunderDonkey" outside of ShopRite
So you see, there are not many things that you can buy for 8 dollars in post-Great Recession America. But one thing, the best thing, that you can get for this paltry sum, is this:
BIT.TRIP RUNNER, the WiiWare video game featuring Commander Video in his multi-level campaign toward freedom from infidels and fly-ridden cat carriers. The graphics are reminiscent of the original Atari games, and play is like a combination of Super Mario Brothers and Parappa the Rappa. Upon release, one critic said, Commander Video is "the epic poet of nature...full of enthusiasm, indulgence, and serenity, extracting from nature all of its joy." Take his word for it- he knows his stuff.
And now, just in time for Labor Day weekend, I present to you the ULTIMATE 2log DOWNLOAD OF 2010. A focus group of three certified geniuses has just released a set of standard drinking game rules for BIT.TRIPRUNNER. And, like always, 2log has the exclusive in this breaking news situation. You can peruse the game rules below, or download and print the PDF here. Give it a spin this weekend and you'll never go back to Call of Duty: The Desert is Making Me Thirsty. Trust me. You won't regret it like you'll regret Martha.