I've always had trouble getting into James Joyce. So I fantasized... what if he had written something I was already familiar with, and simply translated it into his bizarre speak.
Fortunately, as with most things, there's an RPN for that. So without further ado, I present highlights from the James Joyce mashup versions of other famous literary works.
A Portrait of the Artist as the Invisible Man
"Admiring the three months tied up the window before the lower part of sodawater syphons and was not I had sallied forth ten minutes ago as it before Marvel was lit and he looked more. In a hot time it seems to go back to walk in the road yelped and bless me some way had really hurt me people. Like what I ran round the band too discouraging. Then the sunset light and were full of stone his burden. My pipe is to the afternoon throng of five minutes he ain't never she said the big spectacles they settled the band too discouraging. Spurted sir! And he said Mrs. Mrs! A gentleman killed besides his mouth. he said the shoulder as she rain. Hall. His face thud thud came hoarse and I swung the crowd chanting in the hill? He held a seeing man. Hall was still bright day in answer to the northward corner of the cab and her retreating feet. My pipe is out of a moment I followed in a bit by me nose down to have suffered was arrested."
The Old Man and the Ulyssea
"Tell it: He is what they spoke politely about him carry them. Well may eat at and then dropped off and it made fun of the Mosquito Coast and the worst form of the sea were the sturdy fibered guano and I cannot see the top into the east a fish and it was a lucky boat shiver and of the end of unlucky and it junipery or did not leave me in Havana. Of course. Stay with two men staggering at and a fishless desert? The successful fishermen of his hands had taught the boat! Can you hook something that made the shortlegged bergins off the old man's shack. Can I am a boat. He does not. The brown blotches ran well down and I put them. Iknow where we caught three weeks- Others of the gaff and were the boy had never went down to carry them! There was not like the Sacred Heart of the sardines, But he was made me. Two the pyre in some money! There was in the boy had attained humility."
Huckleberry Finnegan's Wake
"Stoop to ireglint's eye and Troysirs fall on condition when I couldn't see all right. Nor shed and twice a book and Tom he did mos' sholy will I remember ing. I reckon we'll have it? Tom said it all the mill and ripped a lordmajor or the platform and the question ain't had pulled a little things under Jim's clothes got here was spirits like that they got it and the second captain and spread out the bag nor sound asleep; I eat and the foot of humbug talkytalk just as dat chile. The king made the most to the Formoreans have his optical. The whole thing a hayfork's wrong with her dummyship and confidential two a spellingbook. No my gown in under the bank. Sendday's eve of which one without some sickly grasspatches in their doors shining and besides I made the flag of them! Den I slid him. I ought to see that didn't know a steamboat clerk designate to put their heads a pow'ful long going to the duppy shot out about the titleroll opposite a nigger that never find the fumes and a half a piece of the next second night that dear good I run from crying there I hear. I right out and her of livestories have to make himself up with such was as wet: Another one single word we were the pens was changing its place out of the corner every time come in the widow didn't know but anybody dat night and down the little while it. So Tom Sawyer was up to old saw myself to eat and go in the next woman and flung a been a pentschanjeuchy chap longa me."
