Everybody, repeat EVERYBODY, wants to be a hobo.  Being a hobo entitles you to:

• Say whatever crazy thing you want
• Break agreements, because people will just think "whoops... I shouldn't have made an agreement with a hobo"
• Never bathe
• Never cut your hair
• See the world
• Stab people

I've been an expert on hobos since my volunteering days at Swarthmore, where I garnered community acclaim for launching the "Hobo Trolley", which helped shuttle hobos around the greater Philadelphia area.  Audience of Two has also spent a great deal of time chronicling the exploits of Horace, one-time king of the hobos, a difficult task as the man's life is shrouded in legend.

So imagine my disappointment when I find a disappointing article on e-how explaining how to be a hobo.  These jokers clearly have it ALL wrong.  Consider their flagrant mistakes:

• They have a whole article on being a web-based hobo.  Hobos don't use the internet!  If it can't be stabbed, it doesn't enter the hobo worldview.  You can stab people who use the internet, but, like President Bush, the hobo has no concept of the internet itself.
• "Have some savings set aside before you go".  Balderdash.  Hobos do not use human money, unless it's the dead of winter and there are no leaves with which to wipe their posterior.  Hobos barter using regional currency, most frequently bottle caps, corn nuts, chicken blood, and stories about farmers' daughters.
• "Where will you take showers?"   Irrelevant.  Protection from filth is handled by growing long beards.  When it becomes bushy enough, it will prevent insects, rodents, and birds of prey from attacking their skin.
• "Make an itinerary"  -- Even non-hobos don't make itineraries, why would a non-hobo make an itinerary?  I think they get this point confused with "being itinerant", which is true by definition
• "Always letting people know where you are, carrying a cell phone"  Good gravy!  You're a hobo, not a kid growing up in the suburbs.  First off, hobos cannot communicate with humans because their language is a system of gluttural grunts and war stories.  Secondly, if a hobo found a cell phone, the only thing they would do with it is try to recycle it to get $.25

So please, e-how, consult with the experts next time.