I love to cook.  This is not news.  I'm a decent cook, not awesome.  I can't make a lot of American basics, and the last time I baked I accidentally doubled the flour for a chocolate cookie recipe and made instead -- as my sister kindly pointed out -- chocolate chip dog biscuits and chocolate chip door stops.

Fair enough.

In my defense, I just rocked a 4-lb. batch of pulled pork in my epic slow cooker.  Garlic, ginger, red wine and white vinegars, and garam masala.  Insane.  Then a quick red sauce topper -- tomato base with minced onions, and sweetness a la rich brown sugar.

So it cracked me up when I got a totally sick awesome immersion blender from JW's sister and brother-in-law.  Brushed stainless steel with a whisk attachment AND a chopper.  I'm so excited.  I'm going to whisk the eggs to go with the home fries JW's prepping right now.

My parents are fully stoked that JW is so at home in the kitchen and they dropped a Cajun kit on him in celebration of the yule.  Two wicked heavy-duty Calphalon pans, hand-labeled -- in Mom's excellent Catholic school copybook script -- jars of paprika, ground cloves and sage, and most hilarious, a shirt box containing four different kinds of dried chile peppers in varying degrees of heat.  And the Prudhomme bible.

I have a week off from work.  This stove and oven will be getting paid time and a half.

*****

Ha ha, OK, whoops.

Six eggs and a little milk in the tall measuring cup.  I dipped the whisk attachment into the cup and squared up to the counter ready to hit GO.

JW says, I think you're going to want to put your hand over that thing...

I heard what he said, but my trigger finger flexed before my brain could process it.

Six eggs and milk, pbbbbbbttttttt, airborne.  Snotty whites and broken yolks in a river of Lactaid running down the front of the butcher block counter onto the floor.

Like I said, a "decent" cook.

One egg and some milk remained in the cup, so I topped it off with another five and tried the immersion blendy attachment.

Not nearly as explosive, but those immersed blades make a heck of a suction.  Good thing I was holding onto the cup or I would've been out another half dozen.

The eggs turned out way fluffy, the blendy blender rocks.  Excellent home fries, too.  With green Tabasco.