Weeeeeeeeeeeeeellll, looky-here!  Looks like ol' McNasty's got a bit of a case of the Plastic Blues. 

John, I feel ya buddy.  I spent the first few years of my "adult" life walking around with a blue plastic albatross around my neck, and I know the squelching paranoia and fist-clenching stress it can cause.  What was it for you...that craving for the cup of coffee with no money in your pocket until the next paycheck, so you charge yourself some Starbucks just to get through the day?  Thank God they take credit cards, eh Johnny Boy?  Adds up, though, don't it?  Don't it just?!  I never knew we had so much in common!  Did you pull the old I'll Put Dinner On My Credit Card And Everyone Can Just Give Me Cash Trick and then "forget" to put the cash in the ol' checking account a few too many times?  Yeah, me too, I've been there.  A-fuckin'-MEN, right?  Oh dude!  Did you ALSO frequently bemoan the fact that it's really hard to find a laundromat that takes credit cards?  Right?!  Me too!  OH!  How about the classic Cover All The Activities For Your Buddy's Bachelor Party But Then Do The Math Wrong So When All The Groomsmen Pay You Back You're Still Way Short?  Did that one ever come up for you?  No?  How about the Whoops My Girlfriend And I Are Going On A Ten Day Roadtrip Across The Country And I Only Have Eighty Dollars?  That's another classic.

I guess I'm just interested in your tricks, since it takes a true Debt Wizard to sing the Plastic Blues when YOUR WIFE IS A FUCKING BEER HEIRESS.  Sheesh, John.  You've already got the double-talk on ethics, the busted-ass stances on gay marriage and abortion, and no coherent solution to the health-care crisis (wait a sec!  Health care!  That's another one of those things I couldn't afford because of the credit card debt!).  Stop hogging all the vices!